VIOLET BAMBI

You know you have to get reacquainted with your hometown

when the deli up the street closes and you go to the grocery store that’s on the other side of town to get cold cuts. But when you go there you have no flipping clue which smoked turkey is good or which type of Italian martadela to get. What are you going to do? Suck it up do some research and figure out the right one, and it won’t be that bad. Wrong. It’s not bad, it’s just not the same because the one Ma gets is just slightly different in texture. They look and taste the same but deep down you know you messed with the fridge ecosystem. No one is complaining nor do they care but you just know. It’s the idea that you can’t go grocery shopping for your house anymore. As soon as you left the taste of the household changed. There’s no tea in the fridge anymore, or the fresh herb stash, or stacks of croissants and sourdough. They found a new default for the smoked turkey you would always get and worst of all, there is no mango sorbet in the fridge. None. And what the fuck is this brand of mayo doing in there?! Do we even use mayo? I guess this means my fridge will be looking a little different from now on. And the truth is, the fridge i grew up with now isn’t my ridge. My fridge will be on Wilshire somewhere and it will be shared with my roommate and two gentlemen from the engineering school. They will probably help with the shopping and there will be homemade Korean food ready to cook and pita bread and seeded pomegranates in a glass bowl in there somewhere.. What I’m trying to say maybe trivial but it is a significant rite of passage into adulthood. My settings are changing by the day and it’s getting weird. I woke up this morning in this strange new room I’m in after I gave the room I grew up in to my little brother. I woke up and saw the fan on he ceiling turning doing nothing but circulating warm air. My little brother asked me through my door of I wanted cereal and I whimpered through the pillow, “Nothing is the same.” And that’s when I realized I pray that it never will be.

I’m doing “research”,

not that I know what word that truly means yet, but it’s something. 
I’m writing and researching a for a paper about virtuous violence: violence performed for “the greater good” and why not all destruction is considered evil (I can’t help but think of how V for Vendetta Esq. it is, minus Natalie Portman and the post nuclear war totalitarian society business, of course). So, this means if I come up with good things I get a little gold star in my transcript, my name as a reference of a published piece of paper and I might receive a pat on the back. I thought I would share just a little of it.

Mission: We’re essentially trying to communicate how violent actions can be intended to be “moral” and they are preformed a means of maintaining or establishing relationships.  No doubt, it’s controversial to say that something seemingly evil can be done for “the greater good”, it’s even more difficult to prove that the people committing these horrible crimes believe whole heartedly that it is good―even essential. No one wants to be the asshole who thinks about violence this way, very few people are using this approach because of how messy it gets and that is exactly why we’re doing it. 

So what, these psychos think killing people is a good idea? What does it do for me to try and understand that?
Well, it may not be the only way to go about this but it is a perspective that could help: in order to find the solution to a “big issue” you have to look at the source. It’s like finding a leak in the dam of morality. Once you find the crack then you assess how it effects the infrastructure and how it can be fixed without just patching it up and forgetting that the cracks could be splintering and compromising the structure of the  foundation.

Lets just say these cracks in the foundation is trite metaphor for a society that perpetuates virtuous violence but don’t forget, these issues hit more close to home than you would think.  Virtuous violence is not just limited to the terrorist and radicals. Examples of morally committed acts of violence ranges from stories in the bible and mythology, the action movie where the hero had to massacre the bad guy and his gang trying to steal Valuable Thing X, even the football game that you watched last weekend when you cheered when the opposing team’s quarterback got knocked out. 

Stories from the bible and ancient mythology were (in one way) told to teach lessons about faith and sacrifice to their audiences.
The action hero killed the “bad guys” who were committing the robbery could have been trying to give better opportunities for their disadvantaged families.
The defensive player knocking out the quarter back was just helping his team get closer to winning the game. 

Humans are multifaceted and a fucking pain to study because not everything we do is considered right or wrong; in regard to basic human rights however, there is a line that separates cruel and just. 

Applying these findings may help policy makers in these regions find the source of the  violence that breaking out. If we choose to ignore the sources of these issues not only does it keep us farther from solving them, it makes them worse. There is a fire spreading that we do not understand the properties of and dowsing it with water could just fuel the flame.  

To make your relationship last: An Upgrade ―Better yet, how to not be an asshole human being (with editing).

staypozitive:

• It’s not a guessing game  Speak the fuck up Tell each other what you’re thinking, and what you’re feeling. If something the other person does bothers you, tell them. The longer you wait to handle a situation, the more pressing it’ll become on your relationship.
  Be vocal about things that matter to you. Being passive all the time compounds issues and, worst of all, it makes everyone unhappy. 
• Never let phone calls or texts interrupt moments together No one likes a Crackberry or iPhone addict The phone is there for your convenience, not the callers. If you truly love the person, you should be more than willing to give them your full attention.
  Unless its you Mother but the one rando you met at you bbf’s birthday can wait and you can be a grown up for a few hours and skip a round of Words WIth Friends.
• Be honest. Don’t lie, don’t cheat. And if you screw up, admit it. Chances are, the other person will find out eventually and it will not be pretty. Everyone makes mistakes, so be honest and forgiving with your boyfriend/girlfriend. 
  You shouldn’t be wasting your time and putting someone through hell ―if you supposedly care about the person―by habitually hiding and continuing to do shitty and shady things. Also, living with a cloud over your head kind of sucks in general. 
• Discuss important issues early on. It’s never too soon to talk about the future (children, money, etc.). Know what he or she wants out of the relationship. These are important things to know - much more important than what their favorite color is, or what genre of music they listen to.
  Also a good way to freak the other person out and make them feel as if they’re planning on keeping you stuck with them. *~Forever~*. Better tip: Don’t be live-for-the-moment hedonists and keep your priorities in check.
• To men To PEOPLE: Don’t you ever dare to forget her birthday and anniversaries.
  Be mindful of others and their desires. Also add to the list of General Life Rules™.
• To women To PEOPLE: Never make him jealous.
  Self indulgent jealousy mongering and attention whoring is not cute on any level and will put you on the shit list. One may also consider casting the person out to sea, throwing them into a vortex of guilt or banishing them from the galaxy.  
• Bring back the old days. The days of flirting and fun. Just because you have them wrapped around your finger does not mean you should stop doing the things it took to get him or her.
  What? No, no. Don’t waste your time playing old cards. A better suggestion: Actively pursue sharing new experiences together. 
• Always say goodnight (when you can). Don’t let a day go by where you fail to. I don’t care if you’re mad or angry at him or her, it shows that you care and that you can accept and get past your differences 
  because it’s a nice thing to do sometimes but if you’re not talking for the day give the person some space and just say it when appropriate because ~remember~ ‘goodnight’ also signals the conclusion of a conversation.
  It means: I still love you no matter what happens and that nothing can change what I feel for you. I love you despite our differences.
  I would be saying goodnight if we were living together and having this conversation in person but since we’re not, a text ‘gnight’ might suffice every once in a while. I’m also saying this because I need you to stop texting me until 5 am because I actually have shit to do tomorrow.
  This is crucial a nice sentiment, so  don’t forget it be thoughtful, say it when you can/when appropriate .
• Remember the little things Remember that you’re with this person for a REASON and listening is a valued quality in humans Maybe it’s something they say. Remember these things, and use them to your advantage. Randomly bring them up, and surprise them. They’ll love you for putting so much effort into listening to them and making them smile.
  It also might make them think that you’re being rather spacey if you bring up random shit all the time. Faking sincere reminiscence is also an unsavory thing to experience so please, spare them. This tip also signals that you can’t get over the past.. which is pretty counter productive and overly nostalgic. Hear the other person out and don’t be neglectful of what you’ve been through with that person and what made you stay with them in the first place.